York has always had some ambitious students working hard to become successful lawyers, doctors, and politicians, but with finals seasons in full swing, many students are pushing that ambition to new levels.

“I need a 158% to get an A in my math class,” sophomore Emily Princeton said. “I wonder if my teacher will round my 73% up to an A.”

Princeton is not relying entirely on rounding.

“I asked all my teachers for extra credit,” Princeton said. “It’s totally unreasonable that they’ve all said no. I deserve it. I know I’ve turned my nose up to extra credit earlier in the semester, but I didn’t need it then.”

Many students are in a similar boat; freshman John Harvard is one of them.  

“I haven’t worked all semester,” Harvard said. “Now all my teachers are expecting me to learn a semester’s worth of knowledge in a week that I refused to learn during the semester.

Harvard, instead of studying, is practicing his some of his own methods to get an A.

“I’m sleeping with a textbook under my pillow to try to absorb the knowledge,” Harvard said, “actually, it’s more like five textbooks, but who’s counting?”

Harvard’s methods have some unfortunate side effects.

“I may be losing sleep, because of how uncomfortable it is to sleep on textbooks,” Harvard said. “It’s fine though.”

While Harvard is sleeping less, some students like senior Samantha Dartmouth are sleeping more.

“Every bit of knowledge is inside my head,” Dartmouth said. “I just need to sleep more to unlock that knowledge.”

Dartmouth is another student that refuses to study.

“Why would I study when I can use that time to sleep more?” Dartmouth said. “I’m just trying to bring out all this information I need for finals.”

If this plan fails, Dartmouth, similar to Harvard and Princeton, plans to practice the ancient art of cheating. This year, students who get cheated off of a lot are creating a large business to earn money from students who cheat off them.

“I’ve made over a thousand dollars off of kids who want to cheat off of me,” junior Julia Dim said. “They don’t even realize that there are different forms of most tests and teachers can tell when there’s plagiarism.”

Dim has little sympathies for students who get caught cheating.

“They spent more time finding someone to pay to cheat off of than study,” Dim said. “It’s not my fault if they fail, because they did literally everything but study. I’ll still get paid though.”